So Just Why Do I Live Here?

"Coravillas Oregon is the least hazardous place in the USA in which to live and Plano-Dallas Metro is the most hazardous ~ twisters, tornadoes, hurricanes, hail, wind, drought and floods. Texas takes 6 of the top 10 most hazardous metro areas and abounds over other states in natural disasters by every measure other than earthquakes" (B. Sperling, author of Best/Worst Places rankings)

 

This is why I would love to move the the Pacific Northwest ....  I don't particularly like extremes in anything, so the Pacific NW seems so serene, so calm, so moderate, so scenic, so enjoyably outdoorsy to me. I have always said  it, have always dreamed it and this article just serves to confirm all my reasons for wanting to do so.  

I moved to North Dallas almost 15 years ago. Honestly, I didn't want to come here, I was very happy exactly where I was in Raleigh, North Carolina ..... and by comparison, have found nothing attractive about living on the plains after living in the eastern USA. 

North Carolina was such an incredibly beautiful place to live. I loved it from the moment my feet set foot in the state. It has trees, big tress, lots and lots of big trees and rolling hills and mountains. It has real seasons and moderation in temperatures and weather and people. It has the ocean, and the mountains, beautiful and plentiful lakes and is easily car accessible to many destinations of interest.

Dallas, by contrast is harsh in topography, harsh in weather extremes, there are really only two seasons ~ hot and hotter. Have I mentioned I despise extreme heat, especially long extended periods of heat? Well, Texas has heat.... lots and lots of heat, in fact it never cools off even at night.  The hot air is suffocating and sucks the breath right out of you. Now this is not Houston mind you where the humidity is as thick as molasses, but the combination of heat and humidity is certainly uncomfortable, even in Dallas. 

The sun is relentless and cloudy days, while rare, are such a sweet reprieve for me. Sometime in May the blinds get closed and stay closed, the A/C is cranked up high and for the most part, indoors becomes the daily venue of choice. It's akin to living in a cave for 7 or 8 months of the year. I've grown accustomed to it, but it is not how I enjoy spending all my time.

I grew up a 'northern girl' and love cooler temperatures. All this heat just saps my energy and makes me a wee bit grumpy. Even a decision to go out in the car is often reconsidered simply because getting inside my car is so hot and uncomfortable. Often the car doesn't cool down until I'm at where I'm going.  

I like gardening, but it is neither easy or enjoyable under such extreme conditions. I love walking, but for most of the year, I do it under cover of darkness, early, early in the mornings while the temperature is still in the mid 80's. It's a rare day when I can actually sit outside and enjoy my patio. 

Then there's the storms. There are never days of just gentle drizzling rain. When it rains, its torrential and damaging and scary, often accompanied by extremely high winds and flooding and tornados.  We are in the height of tornado season. Last night I spent an hour or so  in the safety (that's a relative term) of the bathroom, tornado sirens wailing, hail pounding the house, torrential rain blowing sideways,  streets and yards flooding, trees coming down. This is scary stuff. Relatively little damage for us last night, but whenever I see the sky turning that funky yellow/green my stomach begins to churn and I feel the need to pace. Doesn't do anything of course, but moving around seems better than just sitting still.

 I actually used to enjoy a good thunderstorm, but since moving to Texas, I just become anxious when they're in the forecast . We've lost trees, had to replace a roof, had hail damaged cars and a flooded yard more times than I care to remember. They are just so violent and so volatile.

Then there's the drought .... those long periods when there's not a cloud in the sky to squeeze even a drip of water from. The soil begins to crack deeply, plants shrivel up, grass dies and foundations begin to shift and if your one of the very unlucky homeowners, begins to crack .... very costly repair. Watering is not optional so every day we water, water and water just to enable things survive and save our foundations. 

I've never lived anywhere where it is always so incredibly windy.... my hair is always looking like I've spent the entire day at the beach. I should count my blessings though because it's way worse in West Texas and they are always dealing with sandstorms.

Now, by October, the weather is more reasonable and my favorite day of the year is that morning when I step outside and for the first time in months and months, there is a crispness in the air that is palpable. I  love that time of year but it can get cold here..... very, very cold and almost as unpredictable as the summer. 

Most winters are relatively mild, but the last two years have been brutal. Unfortunately, homes are not built to withstand cold the way they are in the northern parts... they are drafty and circulation is at best, poor..... vaulted 10-12 foot ceilings suck all the hot air up.  It is a challenging and expensive to keep things comfortable .... extra sweater, socks and blankets are often called for.

Dallas doesn't get much snow, but when we do it's extreme ~ often upwards of 2 feet or more in one fall, and of course we don't have the snow removal equipment. Dallas gets at least one or two ice storms a year. Generally the temperature is mild enough that ice rarely sticks around more than a day or so, but last winter we had snow, and ice and an extended period of sub-zero temperatures that prevented anything from melting and kept businesses closed and schools in the area shut down for 7 consecutive days! Lawns, unfortunately if you have St. Augustine, don't fare well either with extended periods of cold, snow and ice. We lost some 2 winters ago and the rest this past winter. Another costly proposition to replace it.

This part of the country is not home, it doesn't feel like home and while some people love living here, for a variety of reasons,  I find none of them appealing enough to balance out all the reasons I don't like living here 

I've lived in some 14 cities across North America and this area is by far, my least favorite area. I realize there are many other factors that contribute to the overall positive/negative experience of living somewhere and taking all that into consideration, I would still have to come to the same conclusion. 

From the very first moment I landed here and put my feet on the ground, I knew this place would never feel quite right ... never truly feel like home. I have adjusted, I have adapted, I have resigned myself to life as it now exists, I have paid my dues, put in my time and gave it a fair shot but would jump at the chance to move to Coravillas, Oregon ~ only in my dreams though ~ just not going to happen anytime soon. 

In the meantime, I remind myself how much I'd miss the great Tex-Mex food!

Yielding all I know about me to all I know about Him.

Up Close and Personal

"Throughout my life I've learned to control how I express my emotions, not because I don't feel them, I feel them very deeply,  but I certainly control how I express them. " (Shania Twain)

I share those sentiments and can identify with exactly what she's saying.

I've never been one of those people inclined to wear my emotions on my sleeve, where everyone around  me knows exactly how I'm feeling and the details of what's going on in my life. I'm not a touchy, huggy type either, at least not with casual acquaintances or strangers. I think perhaps, this is one of the  reasons I tend  not to enjoy some aspects of social functions.

It certainly seems to be the accepted norm these days  for everyone ~ casual acquaintances, co-workers, fellow churchgoers, neighbors, friends of friends, cashiers in the grocery store ~ to be overly huggy, overly gushy, overly complimentary with over stated platitudes. It just makes me feel a little uncomfortable.

It isn't that I'm not genuinely happy to see people, I just don't like all that up close and touchy personal contact. It is awkward when I find myself being 'loved on' by people that I'm not close to, sometimes even barely know. I don't mind if others want to engage in all the hugginess and gushines , it's just not something that comes naturally for me, with the exception of my immediate family of course .... it just seems more meaningful and sincere when expressed to people you genuinely care about .

Maybe it goes back to my childhood. Seems like most of our grown up quirks can somehow be linked to our childhood  as psychologists often like to suggest.

I don't seriously think that my family was lacking in this area of emotional intimacy, I just did not grow up in a  family that was particularly huggy or demonstrative with trite emotional displays and affection. I never saw that as a bad thing, it was just the reality of it. I grew up with complete confidence that my parents loved me generously and unconditionally. There were certainly  times when they were physically affectionate, it was just more reserved. They didn't tell us they  L-O-V-E-D us a hundred times a day, they rarely showed signs of physical affection  outside of the privacy of a bedtime goodnight or a moment of distress when we were in need of comfort or assurance.

We weren't involved in organized sports or a plethora of outside activities, lessons and  shopping sprees. There wasn't the money for that and honestly, I just don't think they had the luxury of time.... they were busy putting food on the table, dad working long laborer's hours and mom running a household and a managing the needs of a growing family.

They were immigrants to a new country, did not speak the language, did not know the culture and did not have the benefit of any family nearby for support. They came with nothing and struggled to make a new better life and raise a family.

There was only one car, laundry was washed in a wringer washer, hung our on the line, brought in and then ironed. Floors were scrubbed and waxed, dishes were washed by hand, we grew our own fruits and vegetables and my mother canned so we would have enough of a supply for the entire year. Shoes needed polishing, blankets hung and aired out the windows weekly, windows were washed, clothes were handmade, every cookie and cake was made from scratch and meals were always home cooked.

They were busy, morning til night, and we were all expected to pitch in, stay out of the way and learned not to burden extra demands on their already busy days.We never had the luxury of having any grandparents or aunts and uncles or cousins close by to provide support or  grow close to. While those extra familial relationships help to create  a strong sense of belonging and a strong sense of  family supoort, we really never experienced that, but yet knew without a doubt we were deeply loved ..... it just wasn't primarily expressed through a lot of physical affection.

Yielding all I know about me to all I know about Him.

The Right Condition for Spiritual Disciplines

"A farmer is helpless to grow grain; all he can do is provide the right conditions for the growing of grain. He cultivates the ground, he plants the seed, he waters the plants, and then the natural forces of the earth take over and up comes the grain ... This is the way it is with the Spiritual Disciplines - they are a way of sowing to the Spirit ...  By themselves the Spiritual Disciplines can do nothing; they can only get us to the place where something can be done." 

  Richard J. Foster (Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth)

Yielding all I know about me to all I know about Him.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

I enjoy 'word pictures'. I often look at words and think of the ways in which they illustrate life principles. 

'Cultivate' is one of those words that inspires me on a personal level and helps me create a picture in my mind of how it can bring application to my life. 

Here's the dictionary meaning(s):

Cul·ti·vate  

a. To improve and prepare (land), as by plowing or fertilizing, for raising crops; till.

b. To loosen or dig soil around (growing plants).

2. To grow or tend (a plant or crop).

3. To promote the growth of (a biological culture).

4. To nurture; foster.                          

5. To form and refine, as by education.

6. To seek the acquaintance or goodwill of; make friends with

I like gardening .... as much of a novice as I am, I have enjoyed some good successes each season that I've invested the time. Perennials I planted a few years back surprise me every spring with new, vigorous growth and an increasing number of showy blooms. Annuals, of course, need to be introduced freshly every year and require more gentle care . It is enjoyable to experiment, to add new elements, to see the fruits of your labor. 

A beautiful, fruitful, productive garden, yard or orchard doesn't just happen by accident.

It takes careful planning, preparation and patience. It takes hard work and the proper tools. The soil has to be turned and tilled and cleared of rocks, weeds and debris. It takes the right balance of sun, rain and fertilizer. The proper seeds/plants have to be chosen for your growth zone, planted carefully and nurtured. In due time the results of the efforts will begin to spring forth and in its abundance, a garden begins to bloom. 

Without the proper 'cultivation', a garden will not thrive but simply survive .... and after a while of neglect it simply becomes an eyesore.

And so it is with life.... a full, balanced, productive, fruitful life just doesn't happen by accident either. 

It matters that we become intentional about how we 'cultivate' ~ how we spend our time, money and energy. We may need to clear the landscape of our life from the things that hinder or even prevent our growth towards being the best we can hope to be. We may need to turn over some attitudes, pull up some old habits, fertilize with new friends or influences, water with more personal discipline, provide some sunshine for our dreams. We may have to prune some relationships and seemingly important priorities that stifle our our growth towards influence personal excellence. 

Life needs constant cultivating ..... and weeds often provide the biggest threat to another wise healthy garden. Fresh weeds spring up quickly and continually.

The thing with weeds is that, to a novice,  they are often hard to identify, they don't require much nurturing  to multiply and thrive, and left untreated, they take over the fertile soil choke out any hopes of good growth. If weeds are neglected or ignored they get very large, very quickly and they become very difficult to remove. It's hard to salvage a garden that has become overrun with weeds.

Trees, bushes and flowers need regular pruning too. I often hesitate to prune because it seems so painful to cut away and trim back exposing bare branches and stems. Inevitably though, I never realize how much I needed to prune until I see the results .... everything looks more properly balanced and proportionate. Pruning encourages fabulous new growth in the heart of the plant rather than just on the outside edges making it fuller, stronger and healthier.

The work of cultivating doesn't stop after the planning, preparation and provision of the proper resources .... the ongoing work is about managing the weeds, assessing each specific area and making adjustments to improve the quality, regular pruning to keep the elements of life balanced and healthy. 

Cultivate ...... how does your garden grow?

Yielding all I know about me to all I know about Him

Living in the Moment

"The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make... I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs [or memories]. There is one picture of [my children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the 'being' a little more and the 'getting it done' a little less"

Seems like every generation of mothers expresses this same sentiment in one way or another. We've all had those moments and days.

We're there, but we're not really there .... we're participating, but we're not engaged, other things have our attention and focus.  But, when the 'moments' are gone, they're gone, never to be captured again.


Children take great delight in sharing with us the extraordinarily ordinary moments of their lives  ... a walk in the neighborhood, building sand castles, reading a storybook together, listening to their tales, watching bugs, collecting rocks and leaves and other interesting objects. 

If our lives are so busy with the 'daily doing' that we miss the 'being', we need to take a step back, take a deep breath and remind ourselves that this day will never return, all we will have is a memory..... or maybe not even that. 

The key question becomes..... " How do I want to remember this day and how do I want my children to remember me in it?" 

I hope my children cherish their memories of their mother as someone who took the time, created the space, enjoyed the moments, indulged in their simple pleasures and never missed an opportunity to just be with them, nurture them, teach them, explore with them, create with them, just talk to them about the extraordinary in the ordinary in their world. 

Times goes by so quickly.... the highest calling we may have is the one that is the easiest to neglect..... and yet we often miss this point entirely. 

Yielding all I know about me to all I know about Him

Simple Really is a Lifestyle Choice

If honest, most people would probably admit that they are eager to live lives that are less complicated, less stressful , less hurried and less demanding.

Most of the people  live under some degree of constant stress concerning careers, finances, parenting or relational issues. Often the daily stress we experience is a direct natural consequence of our own choices .... overspending, over committing,  maintaining a facade of a picture of perfection and success.

I'm sure my kids tired of hearing me say throughout their growing up years:

" Choose the behavior, choose the consequence"

Several years back, I found myself in a situation where the lifestyle and security to which I had become accustomed to suddenly disappeared .... overnight gone .... a career abruptly ended .... no warning, no preparation, no clues.....just a pink slip .... another victim of corporate downsizing.

One day living in the sunshine, the next staring into a deep black hole of "now what". No income, no health insurance, living on reserves, all future financial security hanging in the balance, savings dwindling at lightning speed. A situation that forced me to take inventory of personal priorities, do some serious soul searching, take life it to its simplest form and make some hard decisions.

Life today looks nothing like that prior life..... as humbling as the journey has been, my perspective is sharper, clearer  and simpler. I have learned to:

- Live humbly
- Be satisfied with only what I need and live well within my present means
- Find beauty, value, and worth in everything and everyone around me
- Remain positive  ... make excellence of character the personal standard
- Not try to be more or less than God intended for me
- Be kind and loving even when I don't feel like it
- Live a lifestyle that is simple to care for
- Keep an 'big picture' perspective

Simple is not always easy and it often remains very complicated. Sometimes it is hard not to long for the past. Often it feels like I am a shadow of who I once was and the dreams of long ago have evaporated. But, life goes on and I count my blessings in a fresh way every morning.

Yielding all I know about me to all I know about Him.

Tis' better....

"Tis' better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's perfectly."
— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

Yielding all I know about me to all I know about Him.

I Said Yes!

I was walking hand in hand with my favorite 3-year old tonight and asked him if I could be his girlfriend.

He thought for a moment, looked up at me so sweetly and asked in all seriousness if I would be his LADYFRIEND.

I said "YES" !

By far the very best moment of my day today.

We may not be Facebook official, but we're official that 3-year old and I!

Yielding all I know about me to all I know about Him.

I Cannot Do This Alone....

This prayer by Dietrich Bonhoeffer seems appropriate for all of us at some level. We all struggle, to some degree or other with broken relationships, addictions, grief, confusion, a sense of purpose and meaning, stress, prayer, loneliness, restlessness, bitterness, forgiveness  ~ with the junk of our daily life.

I CANNOT DO THIS ALONE

O God, early in the morning I cry to you.

Help me to pray
And to concentrate my thoughts on you;

I cannot do this alone.

In me there is darkness,

But with you there is light;

I am lonely, but you do not leave me;

I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help;

I am restless, but with you there is peace.

In me there is bitterness, but with you there is patience;

I do not understand your ways,

But you know the way for me….

Restore me to freedom,

And enable me to live now

That I may answer before you and before men.

Lord whatever this day may bring,

Your name be praised.

"Bonhoeffer was a brilliant young pastor and a theologian, whose deep faith in God convicted him to get involved in a plot to kill Hitler. When Hitler learned of Bonhoeffer’s involvement he flew into a  violent rage. As one of his final acts of revenge, just three weeks before he committed suicide, Hitler condemned the young pastor to death.

Bonhoeffer was hanged on April 9, 1945 at Flossenburg Concentration camp.  But by all accounts, Bonhoeffer went to his death at peace with himself and God and with no regrets.  

Just before he died, Bonhoeffer told a fellow prisoner, 'This is the end. But for me, the beginning of life.'”

 

Bonhoeffer's life, motivated by deep personal conviction and  the injustice around him, made a decision to act on his conviction, strengthened by faith, acting without hesitation and with great courage on what he knew he needed to do ...... for him, the cost was great. 

His story inspires me to live my life with more authenticity and conviction, a life that is a reflection of the very things I claim to believe, a life that echos God's intention and purpose in thought and deed for the sake of others  ...... a life of doing what I know I need to do .... however, I cannot do this alone. 

Yielding all I know about me to all I know about Him.

Shadows and Sunshine

"We cast a shadow on something wherever we stand, and it is no good moving from place to place because the shadow always follows. Choose a place - yes, choose a place and stand in it for all you are worth, facing the sunshine."

Shadows often reflect life ~

At times, lived in the sunshine and sometimes long periods lived in the shadows. It's hard not to get stuck under the umbrella of  a 'shadow' period and sometimes to allow them to cloud our outlook on everything going on around us, often missing the sunshine moments that exist despite the shadows. We tend to forget that wherever a shadow exists, a glimpse of sunshine can always be found, in fact a shadow cannot exist without sunshine.

Sometimes we cast our own shadows. Depending on the time of day shadows can appear in front of us or behind us, appear small or very large , they can even appear to be dual in nature. They attach themselves to our feet, will not let go and move along in step with us as we go on our way. They shift from front to back, side to side, depending on the direction we're moving in.

I've cast some deep shadows into my own life and it catches me off-guard whenever they show up, always uninvited, to attach themselves to my life,cling to my memories, and unsettle my peacefulness once again. Shadows of the past are some of the most difficult to bring into the sunshine. Sometimes I find myself involuntarily living in a shadow created by someone or something other than myself.

I have discovered that my life is a never ending continuum of shadows and sunshine and all these moments are best lived in perspective.

Shadows do not exist without purpose. We seek them out to feel some reprieve from heat and fatigue, they force us to adjust our sight as our eyes respond to the dimness in light, they help us determine the direction we're moving in. We can see things in the shadows that might otherwise be missed. Sometimes you can move yourself out from the cover of a shadow but sometimes it's beneficial to just to linger in it until the sunshine moves it away from us.

I've come to realize (and appreciate) that there can be no sunshine without shadows and there can be no shadows without sunshine .... it's a perfect, albeit delicate balance and I can learn to benefit from both.

All too often, I must remind myself that there is opportunity to learn from shadow moments and  will find it necessary to re-position myself to catch glimpses of sunshine that are present ...... they're always close by, always waiting to be found.

Sometimes, the very best place to be is in the shadow and just remain there for a while ~ "Keep me as the apple of your eye, hide me in the shadow of your wings." (Psalm 17:8)

Yielding all I know about me to all I know about Him.