"Throughout my life I've learned to control how I express my emotions, not because I don't feel them, I feel them very deeply, but I certainly control how I express them. " (Shania Twain)
I share those sentiments and can identify with exactly what she's saying.
I've never been one of those people inclined to wear my emotions on my sleeve, where everyone around me knows exactly how I'm feeling and the details of what's going on in my life. I'm not a touchy, huggy type either, at least not with casual acquaintances or strangers. I think perhaps, this is one of the reasons I tend not to enjoy some aspects of social functions.
It certainly seems to be the accepted norm these days for everyone ~ casual acquaintances, co-workers, fellow churchgoers, neighbors, friends of friends, cashiers in the grocery store ~ to be overly huggy, overly gushy, overly complimentary with over stated platitudes. It just makes me feel a little uncomfortable.
It isn't that I'm not genuinely happy to see people, I just don't like all that up close and touchy personal contact. It is awkward when I find myself being 'loved on' by people that I'm not close to, sometimes even barely know. I don't mind if others want to engage in all the hugginess and gushines , it's just not something that comes naturally for me, with the exception of my immediate family of course .... it just seems more meaningful and sincere when expressed to people you genuinely care about .
Maybe it goes back to my childhood. Seems like most of our grown up quirks can somehow be linked to our childhood as psychologists often like to suggest.
I don't seriously think that my family was lacking in this area of emotional intimacy, I just did not grow up in a family that was particularly huggy or demonstrative with trite emotional displays and affection. I never saw that as a bad thing, it was just the reality of it. I grew up with complete confidence that my parents loved me generously and unconditionally. There were certainly times when they were physically affectionate, it was just more reserved. They didn't tell us they L-O-V-E-D us a hundred times a day, they rarely showed signs of physical affection outside of the privacy of a bedtime goodnight or a moment of distress when we were in need of comfort or assurance.
We weren't involved in organized sports or a plethora of outside activities, lessons and shopping sprees. There wasn't the money for that and honestly, I just don't think they had the luxury of time.... they were busy putting food on the table, dad working long laborer's hours and mom running a household and a managing the needs of a growing family.
They were immigrants to a new country, did not speak the language, did not know the culture and did not have the benefit of any family nearby for support. They came with nothing and struggled to make a new better life and raise a family.
There was only one car, laundry was washed in a wringer washer, hung our on the line, brought in and then ironed. Floors were scrubbed and waxed, dishes were washed by hand, we grew our own fruits and vegetables and my mother canned so we would have enough of a supply for the entire year. Shoes needed polishing, blankets hung and aired out the windows weekly, windows were washed, clothes were handmade, every cookie and cake was made from scratch and meals were always home cooked.
They were busy, morning til night, and we were all expected to pitch in, stay out of the way and learned not to burden extra demands on their already busy days.We never had the luxury of having any grandparents or aunts and uncles or cousins close by to provide support or grow close to. While those extra familial relationships help to create a strong sense of belonging and a strong sense of family supoort, we really never experienced that, but yet knew without a doubt we were deeply loved ..... it just wasn't primarily expressed through a lot of physical affection.
Yielding all I know about me to all I know about Him.
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